Woman given lifetime in prison for being indifferent about infamous dress’ color

Image+taken+from%3A+http%3A%2F%2Fstatic01.nyt.com%2Fimages%2F2015%2F02%2F28%2Fbusiness%2F28dress1-web%2F28dress1-web-blog427.jpg

Image taken from: http://static01.nyt.com/images/2015/02/28/business/28dress1-web/28dress1-web-blog427.jpg

Erin Lungwitz, Staff Writer

A dress has taken the internet by storm. Some claim the dress is blue and black, while others insist that the dress is white and gold. A young area woman, Zelda, was sentenced to a lifetime in prison for being indifferent about the color of the dress. She is now behind bars.

“I was eating out with my friend, Angie, and we were talking about the dress that seems to be so popular,” said Zelda from behind a glass window. “I told Angie that I didn’t understand what the big deal was behind the dress, and she whipped out her phone and called 911.”

Zelda and Angie had been companions since elementary school.

“Angie and I have survived fights over which One Direction member we’re destined to be with, whether or not Yoko Ono really broke up the Beatles, and if  that line in Taylor Swift’s song is ‘lonely Starbucks lovers’, so I thought that we could survive a disagreement over a viral internet story,” said Zelda, “but it appears not.”

When the police arrived at the restaurant, Zelda expected to receive some mercy from the authorities, but it seems that this topic was too controversial for her to get off easily.

“I explained [to the police] that I didn’t deserve jail-time for not forming an opinion on the dress’ colors,” said Zelda,  “but the officer told me that people who don’t have an extremely polarized view on the dress’ colors can’t be trusted in society.”

The police officers were so skeptical of Zelda that they charged her with a lifetime in prison.

“I was the valedictorian of my class and the MVP of my school’s competitive Pilates league. I don’t understand how I ended up here because of a dress,” said Zelda.

Even behind bars, Zelda is still suffering the consequences of not forming an opinion on the dress’ color.

“The prison is divided by those who see the dress as blue and black and those who see the dress as white and gold. Because I don’t fall into either category, and because I don’t care enough about the issue, I don’t have any friends.”

Zelda hopes to receive parole for her lack of opinion in the next six months.

*This article is a work of fiction not intended to be perceived as the truth. To learn more about the infamous dress, and see the source of the featured image, please click here.