A Really Truly for You-ly Healthy Snack Guide!

Gus Dexheimer, Staff Writer

These days, the world is a cruel, overwhelming snake pit. Everywhere you look, someone is trying to poison you with a venomous excuse for a snack! Well, don’t give in! We’ve created a Healthy Snack Guide like no other. No more buying into society’s evil plan for us to all turn into blobs of less-than-human-substance! With these TRULY healthy snacks, you are sure to win over everyone else, including society!


Sun-Dried Grape Kabobs:

1. Place three raisins on window sill until very dry

2. Skewer each raisin on toothpick, kabob style

2. Dip in tall glass of ice water

3. Enjoy!

H2O Insta-Hydrate Pack:

1. Staple bottom end of straw

2. Using a funnel, percolate water into straw

3. Seal top with staple or dental floss or pre-chewed gum

4. Bring on hikes, wilderness expeditions, and adventures for instant revitalization!


Salty Stix:

1. Arrange popsicle sticks on a plate

2. Fill large mixing bowl with water

3. Dip each stick one by one into bowl

4. Place sticks back on plate

5. Immediately pour salt over spread, without delay (Sometimes it helps to measure out salt ahead of time so you can be ready to immediately execute this step!)

6. Place in fridge to let flavors meld

Zucchini Blocks:

1. Cut zucchini into stripes

2. Cut each strip into cube-shaped blocks. Set aside.

3. In a double broiler over a slow simmer, melt down two ice cubes into liquid

4. Place zucchini blocks on plate. Warning: Blocks may slide if too wet

5. Slowly drizzle liquid over blocks

6. Garnish with leaf


Himalayan Salt Crystals Floating on a Bed of Water:

1. Select wide, shallow pot or pan

2. Inspect for cracks or flaws

3. Set up stand up kitchen aid

4. Turn on

5. Spoon in water a few tablespoons at a time

6. Mix on high speed for 5-7 minutes, or until is shimmery

7. Place mixture in pan or pot

8. Hand grind Himalayan Salt Crystals over pan

9. Slosh twice

Chewy Gummers:

1. Place few drops water in small dish

2. Sift cornstarch into dish

3. Fold in the cornstarch

4. Let sit at room temperature for no less than two hours, the longer the better

5. Roll paste into bite size balls

6. Enjoy round gummers as a (healthy!) chewable gum alternative


Water Color Popsicle Pops:

1. Mix water with few drops desired color

2. Place water into popsicle mold of desired shape

3. Place in freezer for up to four hours

4. Mix and match colors!


Popcorn Surprise!

*A special experiment!

1. Select 4-6 popcorn kernels and keep at the ready

2. Place oil over hot stove until boiling

3. Have mom or dad or a trustworthy adult secure your head to table with mouth propped open

4. Hold kernels at back of throat with tweezers

5. Have supervising adult drizzle boiling oil down windpipe

6. Will the kernels pop!? Try the experiment to see!


Honest Beanie Baggies:

1. Hold open sausage casings

2. Open bag of white or black raw beans

3. Place beans one by one into sausage casing

4. Drizzle with water until the desired consistency is reached

5. Seal top with Chewy Gummers


Garlic Pals with Grated Ice:

1. Separate garlic clove and peel

2. Using toothpick or small army knife, carve face into clove

3. Consider getting creative: Fill facial crevices on garlic clove with water!

4. Using cheese grater, grate 2-3 ice cubes over the garlic

5. Garnish with leaf

6. Serve right away


Egg Shell Sippers:

1. Crack egg

2. Discard innards

3. Use shell as vehicle or container

4. Drizzle water into shells

5. Sip with straw or just drink!