The Ann Richards School for Young Women Leaders

Wikihow: How to Get Good Grades (without pictures)

in Entertainment/Satire by

We hear it from our parents, we hear it from our friends, high school does not define us. However, not doing good in school affects your whole future and, evidently, your entire life. Projects, exams, homework, and presentations get in the way of that perfect A, so to start getting accepted into the best college, getting the best jobs and living the best life; please read on.


Part 1: Cut all ties with your friends and family

No more distractions. The first step to getting good grades is to keep your focus on the goal, and nothing but the goal. Family raised you and made you who you are today. However, they are a distraction that takes attention away from school work, so instead of sitting with mom or going on family outings, lock yourself in your room and work until you fall asleep. The less time with family, the higher the GPA.  

  • When your little sibling asks to play with you, deny them and tell them that at least someone will bring honor to the household.


Part 2: Get rid of all worldly pleasures to dedicate yourself purely to your studies

Chocolate, Netflix and hobbies are all out the window. Stress relievers and hobbies are great tools for those who don’t want the perfect report card. When faced with the opportunity to get a job or to do other activities, you must instead work for those good grades. Little opportunities like cutting T.V. time or dropping friends may be the defining factor between an A or B.

  • Next time you want to read a book, simply read another homework assignment (There is an exception to this if you were assigned a said book for homework). If a friend asks to hang out, say no, and go back to work.

Part 3: Get organized

Clear desk, clear headspace. For any successful scholar, an organized schedule and workspace are needed. Do things like clear the clutter and keep your workspace tidy. Additionally, things like soft blankets and knick-knacks add to the mess that can sometimes get in the way of a clear workspace. Having things like white walls and a neat unending supply of sharpened pencils will lead to the best possibility for being in the top ten percent and valedictorian.

  • Try picking up little things around your room and throwing them directly into the trash. Notes and childhood posters will only remind you of the past and distract you from the true goal, so be sure to dispose of them.

Part 4: Get rid of your competition

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Others will try to get the best grades and go for the high ranking spots. In order to be the very best, you must get rid of the other bests in order to remain at the very top. Planting boobytraps and devising other schemes to get rid of the top ten percent will give you a better chance to get into college. Remember that those you go to school with are not your friends but merely your competition.

  • When someone asks for your help, be nice and say yes. Then give them the wrong answers and confuse them beyond repair. If someone looks in your direction during a test, you may want to tell the teacher in secret.


Part 5: Kiss up to the teachers

The squeaky wheel gets the grease! Anytime you have trouble, go to your teachers. Shower your teachers with apples and different gifts. Make them like you so they will score your higher. Take your teachers’ side no matter what and do anything to make your teachers like you. When you notice the teachers paying attention to other students, get in the way of that. Speak up and one up the other students no matter the cost.

  • Buy airpods and other much-needed electronics for your teachers, and go out of your way to answer any question they ask.


Part 6: Pay off college advisors

If you can’t make it up then pay it up. Sometimes you just can’t be the very best. Perhaps other students read the same article you are reading now. When this happens, the best course of action is to pay off college advisors to make sure you get the best scores on SATs & ACT and get into your perfect college. It will probably be your parents that will do the paying, so hope that you come from money. If you don’t have the money immediately then find other alternatives. Selling drugs is always a reliable solution to pay off your college advisors. By paying off your college advisors it is a guarantee to have the best grades, best list of extracurriculars, and have the best future.

  • The first step is to notice the financial situation of your college advisor. Notice what car they drive, the quality of their clothes and other. Then go to them and say you can make their life a ‘little more comfortable’ for the small price of a few A’s. Pay them off in small intervals then pay the big load once you get into your dream college.

If you see someone crying while laughing, working on early assignments or reading a thick novel then you are probably around Daniela Noonan. Daniela usually goes by her last name Noonan, mostly because everyone caught on to calling her that. Noonan is the Beyond Our Wall editor, mostly because Noonan forgets there is life outside of ARS and likes to bring that world back into the lives of the ARS students. She enjoys reading, mindlessly watching forensic files and other crime shows, ranting to friends, stalking colleges and genetic programs. Daniela can be counted on to wear cargo pants and call it fashion. She likes to write almost as much as she likes to talk.

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