The banned Doc Martens boots still don many student’s feet. Photo by Sammie Seamon
Disclaimer: I, too, am a liberal millennial, and this satire is just meant to hyperbolize the thoughts a stereotypically edgy, socially-aware ARS high schooler has and some trends.
How would you describe yourself?
To start with, I was born in the wrong decade. I just think the liberals of the 60s to 90s really did it right; being in all of those riots would’ve been such an eye-opening experience for me. They stormed D.C. and had the grunge, pacifist vibe. I’m also in love with every early feminist; they could fight off any egotistical man. I like to think that I’m channeling their spirit.
I’m also not basic like some people. I like to branch out; lately I’ve been super into vintage clothing and those little sparkly kid barrettes you can find at Dollar Tree or CVS. And even though it’s not allowed, I wear Docs to school; the admin can’t extinguish my individuality, and I’m kind of into that aesthetic. Pro-tip, the effect is accentuated when you roll up your skirt.
What are your hobbies?
Music is my life. I only listen to female singers because I hate the sound of men; Billie Eilish and Rihanna are my idols. My school doesn’t allow headphones in class or even in the hallways which is frankly ridiculous. To counteract this removal of self-expression, I wear my Airpods under my hair the whole day.
I also love protecting the environment. Our country is really just full to the brim with a bunch of idiots who don’t understand global warming. That’s why us millennials have to set the example; never ask for a straw at restaurants and bring your Hydroflask everywhere (the more stickers of local businesses the better; we’ve gotta support.)
How do you make the world a better place?
This is Generation Z. It’s about time we do away with all plastic straws, religion, and orange men.
I consider myself to be very socially educated and into politics. I mean, I don’t associate with old white people, heterosexuals, conservatives, or people who live on farms because, obviously, they’re driving our country to the pits.
When it comes to school, we’ve got to fight for our liberties. Dress code is an intolerable insult to female bodies everywhere and is probably a sin. And honestly, who has time to put on a polo in the morning and find matching black socks? The uniform skirt looks way cuter with a turtleneck anyway.
I’m also assisting in the downfall of the current Congress and the big orange that presides over them. He is the definition of a egotistical, mansplaining, upper-class white man who takes advantage of the people. The world would be a million times better if everyone in Congress were teenagers. I know it sounds kinda bad, but I can’t wait until everyone over like, 60, dies so we can just start over.
You know, millennials have really got it down. I like to think that I am already changing the world, one reusable waterbottle and uniform violation at a time.
Chloe Leline (12) sports a black turtleneck with the classic plaid skirt. Photo by Sammie Seamon